


Sex and the Ministry

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: A/N:Written for Slythindor100's prompt # 213: Resolutions, and for HD_Fluff"'s prompt # 142: H/D movie titles - I picked "Sex and the Ministry". Disclaimer: Having never watched the show or seen the movie, I have no idea if this is similar, but I at least used the title. :)Beta(s):Sevfan and Emynn.Disclaimer:The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.





	Sex and the Ministry

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Written for Slythindor100's prompt # 213: Resolutions, and for HD_Fluff"'s prompt # 142: H/D movie titles - I picked "Sex and the Ministry". Disclaimer: Having never watched the show or seen the movie, I have no idea if this is similar, but I at least used the title. :)
> 
> **Beta(s):** Sevfan and Emynn.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

~

Sex and the Ministry 

~

“…mean you haven’t even made one New Year’s resolution, Harry?” 

At those whispered words, Draco immediately perked up, although he kept his eyes trained on the page as he listened. 

“I’m tired of making them and then failing spectacularly,” replied Potter. “Honestly, Hermione, what’s the point?” 

“The point is to try to better yourself, to improve and grow as a person. It’s not whether you succeed that matters, it’s if you try in the first place.” 

Draco rolled his eyes. Typical Gryffindor hogwash. _Trying_ was all well and good, but winning was always the goal. 

“I know what you can do,” offered Weasley, his words just soft enough that Draco could barely hear them. “Maybe…resolve _not_ to…the entire Ministry this year.” 

Draco froze for a moment, then, risking a look, he glanced up at the trio who were standing by the door. Potter was bright red, Granger looked embarrassed, and Weasley…Weasley was staring directly at Draco. Feigning a stretch, Draco moved his eyes past him before once more leaning over to read, although he was no longer paying any attention to the words dancing on the page before him. 

“Ha, ha, funny,” grumbled Potter. “I haven’t…the _entire_ Ministry.” 

Hadn’t what? Dated? Fucked? That last was definitely true since Draco knew _he_ hadn’t had a shot at Potter’s spectacular arse. He would have remembered that. Draco scowled. Anyway, why should it matter to him if Potter _was_ sleeping his way around the Ministry?

“All right then, most of them except for us,” amended Weasley, sounding amused. “I mean, do we need to count them off for you? First there was—”

“That won’t be necessary,” hissed Potter. 

Granger cleared her throat. “Ron could be right, Harry. Doing _that_ with your co-workers is a set up for disaster. Think of all the conflicts of interest there could be, not to mention the possible power disparities and—”

“All right, fine!” 

“Shh!” hissed several people who, like Draco, were using the Ministry library. 

“Sorry!” whispered Potter. His next words were so soft, Draco had to strain to hear them. “Fine, I’ll avoid…any Ministry co-workers in future. Happy?” 

“I think that would be for the best, don’t you?” said Granger. “And don’t you two have an Auror meeting in about five minutes?” 

“Shit!” hissed Ron, garnering more shushing from people. “C’mon, Harry, time to go.” 

Mind spinning, Draco glanced up in time to see Weasley herding Potter away while Granger…Granger was staring at _him_.

Flummoxed, Draco raised his chin, staring back at her. 

Their eyes locked for a moment until, oddly, she nodded almost imperceptibly before turning away. 

Utterly confused, Draco returned to his book, but after trying for a few more minutes he gave up, closing it and gathering his things. Since Potter’s resolution appeared to be to _not_ have sex with any Ministry workers, and it had been coerced out of him, was it so evil for Draco to try to help him _not_ meet that goal? 

~

After several hours of contemplating his approach, Draco decided he needed more data. Which meant he had to go to the biggest gossip in the Ministry. Fortunately, she was also his best friend. 

“Potter?” Pansy raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said, and I quote, ‘I couldn’t care less about what Potter does or who he dates.’?” 

Draco, seated across from her desk, shrugged. “Let’s just say I’ve come across some information that leads me to believe he’s not as uptight as I once thought. So, does he have a reputation as a bit of a Lothario?” 

Pansy shrugged. “I wouldn’t classify him a Lothario at all. I’d say he’s…friendly. Although he does seem to have a type.” Her eyes narrowed. “Which, now that I think about it, is rather interesting—”

Draco waited a few beats before capitulating. “Well?” he huffed. “Are you going to tell me what his type is or not?” 

Pansy smirked. “Oh, eventually, darling. But you must admit, this is a delicious turn of events.” 

“I admit nothing,” sneered Draco, crossing his arms over his chest. “And if you don’t hurry up and tell me what I need to know, I’ll go ask someone else.” 

“Like who?” Pansy drawled. 

Draco smirked. “Oh, I don’t know. I hear the Patels are in the know. And that Brown girl. Maybe their rumour mill will be more forthcoming than yours!” 

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Pansy snorted. “As if. I’ll have you know I know everything that happens in this place.” She huffed. “As galling as it is to be a mere secretary, we do know all the good gossip.” 

Draco glared at her. “I’ll believe you once you start _sharing some of it_!” 

“All right, all right, relax. I was just teasing.” Rolling her eyes, she said, “You used to be able to take a joke.” 

Draco raised an eyebrow. “You used to tell good ones.” 

“Ugh, fine. I should have remembered how you get when you’re fixated on Potter.” Pansy cocked an eyebrow when Draco opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. She smiled, clearly satisfied. “So, rumour has it his last date was New Year’s Eve when he took Lovegood to the Weasley New Year’s Eve party.” 

Draco frowned. “ _Luna_ Lovegood?” 

“No, her father.” Pansy snorted. “Yes, Luna.” 

Draco sighed, leaning back in his chair. “So that’s it, then. He’s straight.” 

Pansy smirked. “Not so quick, darling. Things aren’t as cut and dried as all that. Paul Milton asked him to Seamus Finnigan’s Christmas party.” 

Blinking, Draco sat back up. “That Auror transfer from MACUSA?” 

“The very same.” Pansy watched him for a moment. “Do you see it yet?”

“See what?” Draco pursed his lips. “What’s to see? Other than Potter’s bisexual, I suppose.” 

Pansy rolled her eyes. “Pamela Ross invited him to Dean Thomas’ holiday party, he may have hooked up with Alan Mitchell at the Ministry’s Holiday Ball, and was seen sitting very close to Tristan Lynch in the Bell, Book and Candle pub as recently as last week.” She sat back in her chair, smiling triumphantly. “See it now?” 

Draco shrugged. “See what? Oh! They’re all Aurors. Well, except Lovegood—” 

“Salazar’s beard, Draco! Blonds! He likes blonds. There isn’t a red-head or a brunette in the bunch. Now, what do you think of that?” 

Draco blinked. “I think…” He shook his head. “Fuck, Pansy, I may have a shot with Potter.” 

Pansy snorted. “You’ve always had a shot with Potter, and you’d have seen it sooner if you’d taken you head out of your arse before this.” She sat forward again, eyes narrowing. “Now, what are you going to do about it?” 

Slowly, Draco smiled. “I’m going to seduce Harry Potter.” 

~

Getting close to Potter was going to prove challenging, however. 

Ever since they had both begun working at the Ministry, they had avoided each other. Draco mainly out of embarrassment - he hated owing Potter for having spoken to the Wizengamot on behalf of him and his mother - and who knew why Potter was avoiding him? Maybe on general principle? 

Whatever the reason, it’d become a habit. One they’d both fallen into, since whenever Potter saw Draco coming, he’d head the other way, too.

Armed with the knowledge of Potter’s penchant for blonds, however, Draco decided it was time to make his approach. 

The following few days, Draco used the flexible schedule afforded him by being an Unspeakable to study Potter’s schedule. As it turned out, Potter was basically a creature of habit. He took his breakfast at the same time every day, always with either Granger and Weasley, or Thomas and Finnigan. 

He then typically lunched in his office with the other Aurors, and he left usually between five-thirty and six every day, generally alone.

Which was why Draco was loitering about the Ministry’s lobby at five-forty-five on that Thursday. 

When the lift opened and Potter emerged, carrying a briefcase, Draco pushed himself off the wall, lowered his head, and marched as if on a mission. If he’d timed it well, he would run smack into Potter about…

“Oof!” 

Draco collided solidly with Potter, who staggered back and dropped his case, parchments spilling onto the floor. Looking up as if startled from deep thoughts, Draco pasted a rueful expression on his face. “I’m so sorry, are you okay— Potter?”

“Malfoy.” Potter blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just—” Bending down, he began to pick up his parchments. 

Draco gracefully dropped to his knees to help. “I’m so sorry, Potter,” he said. “I was ruminating on a problem and clearly wasn’t looking where I was going—”

“It’s okay.” Potter’s expression was quizzical. “And did you just…apologise?”

Draco inclined his head. “Yes. That’s good manners when one almost bowls someone else over by mistake.” 

“Yeah.” Potter was staring at Draco as if he’d never seen him before. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Draco, scooping up the last of the parchments and handing them to Potter. “You’re staring.” 

“You…you’ve changed,” said Potter, standing. 

Draco deliberately remained on his knees before Potter for several more moments before rising, and, from the flush on Potter’s cheeks, he hadn’t missed the suggestive positioning. Smiling faintly, Draco hummed. “Well, I’d say we’ve all changed in the years since school, wouldn’t you?” 

Slowly, Potter nodded. “Yes, I suppose so.” 

Draco, who had worn his hair deliberately loose that day, tossed it back over his shoulder. He almost laughed when he saw the way Potter’s eyes glazed over. “Well, I should be off. Unless…”

“Unless?” said Potter, his eyes still on Draco’s hair. 

“Unless I can buy you a drink. You know, to make up for almost bowling you over.” 

Potter blinked. “You want to go drinking with me?”

Draco hummed. “Why not? I’d say I owe you at least a drink given how careless I was. Unless you have other plans, of course, in which case—” 

“I don’t have plans,” Potter blurted. He coughed. “At least, not tonight. But I thought…Weren’t you on your way someplace?” 

“Not really.” Draco shrugged. “I was simply thinking really hard.” 

Potter smiled. “In that case, I’m buying the second drink. Work’s over, it’s time to forget about it until tomorrow.”

“I’m not good at that,” Draco lied. He gestured towards the exit Floos. “Perhaps you can show me how?” 

“Sure.” Potter’s smile widened. “I think I can do that.” 

~

Draco deliberately chose a Muggle pub, noting the approving look in Potter’s eyes when they sat down in a corner booth. They alternated rounds, and by the third round they were both pleasantly pissed. 

“…like the new you,” Potter slurred, clinking his glass with Draco’s. “You’re funny, and not bad looking.” 

Draco smiled. “Thanks, Potter. And you’re not bad yourself. Your arse is—” Pausing, Draco drained his glass. “And I think I’ve said too much. My turn, I think.” 

But as he began to stand, Potter placed a hand on his arm. “It’s fine,” he said, voice low and dark. “I’d rather hear your opinion of my arse, if you don’t mind.” 

“As if you don’t know your arse is fine?” Draco raised an eyebrow. “Come on, Potter. Surely someone’s told you you’re a bit of all right.” 

Potter’s mouth quirked. “You’re not just someone, though, are you? You’re not likely to lie to me about something like that. So if _you_ think my arse is fit, it could be true.” 

Draco snorted. “You don’t need me to stroke your ego.” 

“Maybe not, although I wouldn’t object to you stroking something else.”

Slowly, Draco smirked. “Why, Potter, was that a proposition?” 

Leaning in, Potter hummed. “Well spotted, Malfoy,” he whispered, just before their lips touched. 

Not only was Potter’s arse spectacular, but he could kiss. Without planning it, Draco was soon straddling Potter, holding his face in his hands as he explored every crevice of Potter’s mouth with his tongue. 

Potter, in the meantime, was kneading Draco’s arse, and grinding his erection up against him. 

“Fuck,” whispered Draco when they broke for air. Resting their foreheads together, he said, “Are we really doing this?” 

Potter smiled. “I’m good with it if you are.” 

Draco licked his lips. “I don’t usually date Ministry co-workers,” he murmured, “but since we’re in different departments—”

Potter laughed. “That sounds like a yes.” 

“Yes,” said Draco, gazing challengingly into Potter eyes, “it does, doesn’t it?” 

~

Not only could Potter kiss, but he knew his way around a cock. Draco, who had expected to be impressed, found himself being played expertly by a Potter who was definitely more confident. 

They went back to Potter’s, where he was pressed into Potter’s mattress and, well, the only words Draco could come up with for it were _overwhelmed_ and _possessed_. 

Potter’s hands and mouth went everywhere, and by the time he shamelessly flipped Draco over, used his thumbs to part Draco’s arse cheeks, and licked his hole until he screamed, Draco wasn’t thinking at all. 

Up on his hands and knees, he howled, pressing back, riding Potter’s tongue until Potter drew back, fingered him with slick, agile digits, and sunk into him with a moan. 

When Draco came, it felt like his entire world shifted, and when Potter collapsed beside him, drawing him close, Draco didn’t even think about leaving. 

Later in the evening, when Draco opened his eyes, it was to find Potter watching him, an intent look on his face. “What?” he asked.

Potter smiled. “Just wondering how this could have happened. You’ve always seemed out of reach.” 

Sitting up, Draco leaned back against the headboard. “Ah, but you never reached for me.”

“No, I suppose not.” Potter’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve always avoided me before, so what changed?” 

Draco hummed. “I heard you’d sworn off sex for the new year.”

“You—” Potter blinked. “So you figured you’d…what? Help me _not_ keep my resolution?” 

Draco shrugged. “It wasn’t a very good one.” 

Shaking his head, Potter laughed. “Did you make any resolutions?” he asked. 

Draco smirked. “To seduce you.” 

“Hm.” Potter shifted, straddling Draco. “You seem to have succeeded. Planning to move on now that you’ve met your goal?” 

“Do you want me to?” Draco asked, keeping his face expressionless. “After all, you do have a bit of a reputation.” 

Potter narrowed his eyes. “I do? Says who?” 

Draco shrugged, looking down at his hands, which were playing with the sheets. “I may have heard Granger and Weasley talking to you the other day—”

“Oh my God!” Potter placed a finger under Draco’s chin, raising his head until their eyes met. “You overheard our conversation in the library! And that made you approach me? That’s…wow.” 

Draco snorted. “Well you weren’t exactly being discreet.” He raised an eyebrow. “And since you’re the one sleeping your way around the Ministry, you’re hardly one to talk.” 

Potter gaped at him. “Are you sure you heard our _entire_ conversation?” 

“I may have missed a word or two,” Draco admitted. “But it was easy enough to put it together. You’ve been fucking your way around the Ministry, and I decided it was my turn.” 

“You—” Potter stared at him for along moment until he threw back his head and laughed. 

Draco crossed his arms. “Why are you laughing?” 

Potter, still laughing, leaned forward, kissing Draco. “I take it you thought Hermione and Ron were scolding me about _shagging_ my co-workers?”

Draco went cold. “They weren’t?” 

Potter shook his head, his eyes dancing with amusement. “They were telling me to stop rejecting people who asked me out socially.” 

“Salazar—” Draco groaned. “Fuck me.” 

Potter smirked. “I believe I just did that, but if you insist—”

Draco gave him a flat look. “So basically, you haven’t been fucking all the blond people who’ve been asking you out?”

“Nope,” said Potter cheerfully. He raised an eyebrow. “Blond people? You noticed that, hm?” 

“Difficult not to,” Draco sniffed. “So, why _did_ you have a drink with me?” 

Potter flushed. “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve fancied you for a while. I just never thought we’d—” He gestured between them. 

“Fuck?” 

Potter chuckled. “Yeah.” He sobered. “So, is it a turnoff that I haven’t been with everyone in the Ministry?” 

Draco hummed, warmth settling in his chest. “I think I’ll manage.” Looping his arms around Potter’s neck, he smirked. “And now the way Granger and Weasley were acting makes sense.”

Potter frowned. “Huh? What did they do?” 

“Nothing,” purred Draco. “Never mind.” 

Shaking his head, Potter leaned in. “Slytherin or no, you’re a terrible liar. And I will get it out of you.” 

“You can certainly try.” And as Potter kissed him, Draco smiled against his mouth.   
They strained together once more, and as they again came together, Draco revelled in being surrounded by Potter. Afterwards, Potter spooned Draco. 

“You do realise,” murmured Draco drowsily, “this means I _didn’t_ mess up your New Year’s resolution. I helped you achieve it!” 

“Merlin, you’re right,” said Potter. Kissing Draco’s shoulder, he whispered, “So, how do you feel about helping me come up with a few more of them?” 

“Perhaps. What are you thinking?” 

“I was thinking about resolving to shag you every day.”

Smiling, Draco closed his eyes. “I like how you think.” 

~


End file.
